please dont feed the bitch in me
i meet bob today. he is tall, old, and really pushy. i regret the whole time i am with him. he talks about how he likes me, how he can imagine making love to me, and how he thinks hes such a great guy. he asks me if i want to sit on his cock, if we could meet on monday or tomorrow even, and if i can see myself with him. i just look at him incredulously and answer his questions as truthfully as i can without being hurtful or mean. he presses me for a commitment to meet again, and i make the silliest excuses that smell so strongly of bullshit. i dont like the cocktail mix of arrogance and desperation. it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. he calls me three times after we part, and i ignore all three calls. get the hint, bob, im done.
fred is a boy who i met through craigslist about six weeks ago. although we have never met in person, we converse almost every day via aim. i forgive his terrible spelling, and he tolerates my evasiveness. he has been asking for a picture, and while i have one, i dont feel at ease sending it to him. the nightly topic of the picture usually lasts 10 to 15 minutes at a time, sometimes - if im lucky - twice a night.
he is normally pleasant to chat with, but tonite, he is annoying. i tell him about my earlier meeting with bob, and how it was a category 7 failure. fred becomes aggressive. says he wants to meet, he wants a picture, he wants to know what i want. i ask him to please do not bring up the picture issue again, and as for what i want? i want him to stop asking for my pics if only for tonite. he takes it as a joke. i warn him to please stop. he mocks this as a meaningless threat. i ask him again to stop pushing me, explain to him why i wont give him a picture, and tell him that if he brings it up again in this conversation, i will put him on ignore. he thinks its just me being me, barking without intending to bite. he brings it up again. i ignore the request. i tell him that i am so bored with this subject, and can we please move on. he assumes hes funny and tells me that i wont be able to stay away from him if i leave, so he cracks a joke about the picture issue. i bid farewell to him and his arrogance and stupidity, and click on block. im done.
i cannot stand being pushed or bullied. it becomes repetetive and boring. when i say no, i mean no. and when i am barraged with questions that i have answered over and over again, i feel a disrespect. with bob, he asks if he could see me again. with fred, its the damned picture.
persistence, in this regard and for others, is an asset; this i recognize. however, with me, it is a nuisance. it is fun at first, but then it stops being funny. i know i am being ridiculous. and i love that freedom to be so.
oh, and thanks to all who have emailed me kind words about my entries or posted a response. its great to know that some are stopping by and checking out the blog. but if you plan to leave a comment that smells of a lecture on any entry, please turn around and march on by. i have a mother, father, sister, brother, friend (who thinks she knows better and her opinions are worth her weight - a year ago - in gold), and countless others who love to take every opportunity to blah blah blah to me about how my life should be. after the loudness of the nothingness of their berating finishes from exiting their mouths, heres what i do. i smile politely, say thank you sincerely, walk away quickly, and laugh my ass off...wickedly.
i meet bob today. he is tall, old, and really pushy. i regret the whole time i am with him. he talks about how he likes me, how he can imagine making love to me, and how he thinks hes such a great guy. he asks me if i want to sit on his cock, if we could meet on monday or tomorrow even, and if i can see myself with him. i just look at him incredulously and answer his questions as truthfully as i can without being hurtful or mean. he presses me for a commitment to meet again, and i make the silliest excuses that smell so strongly of bullshit. i dont like the cocktail mix of arrogance and desperation. it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. he calls me three times after we part, and i ignore all three calls. get the hint, bob, im done.
fred is a boy who i met through craigslist about six weeks ago. although we have never met in person, we converse almost every day via aim. i forgive his terrible spelling, and he tolerates my evasiveness. he has been asking for a picture, and while i have one, i dont feel at ease sending it to him. the nightly topic of the picture usually lasts 10 to 15 minutes at a time, sometimes - if im lucky - twice a night.
he is normally pleasant to chat with, but tonite, he is annoying. i tell him about my earlier meeting with bob, and how it was a category 7 failure. fred becomes aggressive. says he wants to meet, he wants a picture, he wants to know what i want. i ask him to please do not bring up the picture issue again, and as for what i want? i want him to stop asking for my pics if only for tonite. he takes it as a joke. i warn him to please stop. he mocks this as a meaningless threat. i ask him again to stop pushing me, explain to him why i wont give him a picture, and tell him that if he brings it up again in this conversation, i will put him on ignore. he thinks its just me being me, barking without intending to bite. he brings it up again. i ignore the request. i tell him that i am so bored with this subject, and can we please move on. he assumes hes funny and tells me that i wont be able to stay away from him if i leave, so he cracks a joke about the picture issue. i bid farewell to him and his arrogance and stupidity, and click on block. im done.
i cannot stand being pushed or bullied. it becomes repetetive and boring. when i say no, i mean no. and when i am barraged with questions that i have answered over and over again, i feel a disrespect. with bob, he asks if he could see me again. with fred, its the damned picture.
persistence, in this regard and for others, is an asset; this i recognize. however, with me, it is a nuisance. it is fun at first, but then it stops being funny. i know i am being ridiculous. and i love that freedom to be so.
oh, and thanks to all who have emailed me kind words about my entries or posted a response. its great to know that some are stopping by and checking out the blog. but if you plan to leave a comment that smells of a lecture on any entry, please turn around and march on by. i have a mother, father, sister, brother, friend (who thinks she knows better and her opinions are worth her weight - a year ago - in gold), and countless others who love to take every opportunity to blah blah blah to me about how my life should be. after the loudness of the nothingness of their berating finishes from exiting their mouths, heres what i do. i smile politely, say thank you sincerely, walk away quickly, and laugh my ass off...wickedly.
posted by m/p @ 9:18 PM
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