married men
ive been talking to two married men lately. im very torn about this. a part of me feels significantly guilty for even entertaining them. it has just been conversations, but they both want to meet me. another part of me craves the safeness and the excitement it offers. its harmless, and i lay down the law that this will go on only if no one gets hurt. especially the innocents.
the problem is that i dont sleep with married men...anymore. i have, in the past, and it leaves me feeling unfulfilled. and the guilt really erases the memories of the sex i had with them. besides, im just not that person anymore. ive evolved to someone who has self-worth and is not afraid to say no.
there are two other married men, though, who i adore and would be tempted to love with abandon. one is a good friend, but i fear sex with him would just be an anti-climactic release of some orgasmic tension. i like him too much, and i dont feel attracted to him in any erotic way. i embrace him into my circle of friends with no hopes or expectations, but with acceptance and an offer of me.
the other is roben. there is something about him that i cannot let go of. and im trying. im trying to ignore when his name lights up on my friends list. i allow myself mini-thoughts of him when i see the folder of our 22 im messages. when i scroll to his name on my phone book, i rest there and wonder if i should call and leave him a message like ive done so many late nights ago. i cannot resist looking at his website, at his picture, and the wonderful images he creates.
its been awhile since he and i spoke. ive tried, but i just dont have it in me anymore. i go to him with hesitance, knowing there had been a breach that cannot be corrected. and he is very sporadic with me, scattered and terse on his end of the conversation. we have talked about meeting, but the tone is that of concession and not of excitement as it once was. thank goodness he has more self-control than me because i would go to him in a second. such is life with this married man. i know i have to end the emotional connection ive created; ive given myself a deadline for december 31st.
ive been talking to two married men lately. im very torn about this. a part of me feels significantly guilty for even entertaining them. it has just been conversations, but they both want to meet me. another part of me craves the safeness and the excitement it offers. its harmless, and i lay down the law that this will go on only if no one gets hurt. especially the innocents.
the problem is that i dont sleep with married men...anymore. i have, in the past, and it leaves me feeling unfulfilled. and the guilt really erases the memories of the sex i had with them. besides, im just not that person anymore. ive evolved to someone who has self-worth and is not afraid to say no.
there are two other married men, though, who i adore and would be tempted to love with abandon. one is a good friend, but i fear sex with him would just be an anti-climactic release of some orgasmic tension. i like him too much, and i dont feel attracted to him in any erotic way. i embrace him into my circle of friends with no hopes or expectations, but with acceptance and an offer of me.
the other is roben. there is something about him that i cannot let go of. and im trying. im trying to ignore when his name lights up on my friends list. i allow myself mini-thoughts of him when i see the folder of our 22 im messages. when i scroll to his name on my phone book, i rest there and wonder if i should call and leave him a message like ive done so many late nights ago. i cannot resist looking at his website, at his picture, and the wonderful images he creates.
its been awhile since he and i spoke. ive tried, but i just dont have it in me anymore. i go to him with hesitance, knowing there had been a breach that cannot be corrected. and he is very sporadic with me, scattered and terse on his end of the conversation. we have talked about meeting, but the tone is that of concession and not of excitement as it once was. thank goodness he has more self-control than me because i would go to him in a second. such is life with this married man. i know i have to end the emotional connection ive created; ive given myself a deadline for december 31st.
posted by m/p @ 1:27 PM
2 Comments:
At 2:42 PM,
Anonymous said…
Your instincts are correct. You have no business with a married man. Put yourself in his wifes shoes...how would you feel. Don't temp him, go find someone else you can connect with in which you can give your entire self to and that person can do the same for you. Go do the right thing...end this.
At 6:52 PM,
m/p said…
ended.
thanks for your advice.
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