this that and the other thing
the conversation last night leaves a few wrinkles in my mind. we talk for 3 hours, getting to know what he does, what i do, who he is, who i am. and although he seems nice and fun and gorgeous, i do not want to see him again.
i dont believe youre celibate, he declares.
why not?
because you seem you enjoy sex too much to be celibate. why ARE you celibate anyway?
why AM i celibate anyway?
at first, the reason was simple. i was invited to a dinner with about 15 people or so. i knew only about 5 of those people, and although im not into large crowds, i decided to go. it had been a week after i slept with luis, and i thought it would be nice to meet new people.
after the customary introductions, a beautiful italian man who was funny and romantic and had the sweetest eyes showered me with attention. he said my name in his accent so many times that night as he looked into my eyes. he was curious, he was intelligent, he was perfect. he was soft spoken, he was caring, he was celibate. this broke my heart; he was celibate because he dedicated his life to God. there was no way i could compete...nor would i want to.
the first person i declared my celibacy to was my friend. his response made me laugh. are you trying to be cool? you think youre better than everyone else? he accused. most of the people ive told, which are my friends and guys who try to get through my chastity belt, didnt believe me. but ive shown them. in the last three months, ive remained true to my vow.
so youre going to be celibate forever? rudy asks.
no, i laugh. its not meant to be a lifelong sentence. im just resting for now.
you never answered my question. why are you celibate?
hhhmmm...dozens of reasons, but only one makes perfect sense that keeps me tied to the vow. when i talk to a boy or a man i am wildly attracted to, i can talk to them without being distracted about how and when we are going to land in his bed. the vow frees me to listen to them and actually get to know them. it allows me the self-control i normally lack when it comes to my sexuality.
why do you ask? wanna be the one to make me break my vow?
yes, of course. i would love to. even though i dont believe you are serious about it.
well, you know, the thing is its not going to happen. but thank you for your offer. unfortunately, at this time, i am unable to accept your generosity. i will keep your number in my phone for a year. if a position opens within that year, itll be yours.
come over right now.
the conversation last night leaves a few wrinkles in my mind. we talk for 3 hours, getting to know what he does, what i do, who he is, who i am. and although he seems nice and fun and gorgeous, i do not want to see him again.
i dont believe youre celibate, he declares.
why not?
because you seem you enjoy sex too much to be celibate. why ARE you celibate anyway?
why AM i celibate anyway?
at first, the reason was simple. i was invited to a dinner with about 15 people or so. i knew only about 5 of those people, and although im not into large crowds, i decided to go. it had been a week after i slept with luis, and i thought it would be nice to meet new people.
after the customary introductions, a beautiful italian man who was funny and romantic and had the sweetest eyes showered me with attention. he said my name in his accent so many times that night as he looked into my eyes. he was curious, he was intelligent, he was perfect. he was soft spoken, he was caring, he was celibate. this broke my heart; he was celibate because he dedicated his life to God. there was no way i could compete...nor would i want to.
the first person i declared my celibacy to was my friend. his response made me laugh. are you trying to be cool? you think youre better than everyone else? he accused. most of the people ive told, which are my friends and guys who try to get through my chastity belt, didnt believe me. but ive shown them. in the last three months, ive remained true to my vow.
so youre going to be celibate forever? rudy asks.
no, i laugh. its not meant to be a lifelong sentence. im just resting for now.
you never answered my question. why are you celibate?
hhhmmm...dozens of reasons, but only one makes perfect sense that keeps me tied to the vow. when i talk to a boy or a man i am wildly attracted to, i can talk to them without being distracted about how and when we are going to land in his bed. the vow frees me to listen to them and actually get to know them. it allows me the self-control i normally lack when it comes to my sexuality.
why do you ask? wanna be the one to make me break my vow?
yes, of course. i would love to. even though i dont believe you are serious about it.
well, you know, the thing is its not going to happen. but thank you for your offer. unfortunately, at this time, i am unable to accept your generosity. i will keep your number in my phone for a year. if a position opens within that year, itll be yours.
come over right now.
posted by m/p @ 5:58 PM
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