tonite at borders

a beautiful man.

me.

facing each other across the room. my eyes catch his. maybe hes looking at something over my head, but my gaze is unmistakable. i am watching him. i am staring at him. he is a beautiful man.

to the man with the black shirt and soulful eyes - i sincerely apologize for my intrusive stares, but i am trying to place your face. you look familiar, and its maddening that i cant remember from where!

happy holidays,
maria
dec. 16, 2005
borders
california

i walk away to let him absorb what i had written. i avoid looking at him for about 5 minutes, but it is difficult to look away from beauty. then, i walk slowly and deliberately towards him, looking into his eyes as i do. i have a smile on my face that cannot be erased.

hi, im maria, i say.

im rudy.

i try to figure out where ive seen him before. i ask if he comes to borders often, trader joes, target, the rose bowl on tuesday nights. he says he goes to the rose bowl to run.

are you a teacher? i ask.

no, i work from home, he says.

we talk about which college he went to and where i went. i keep the conversation light. easy breezy, lemon squeezy. i cannot look at him for too long. he will make me break my vow.

do you have a pen?

of course, i have a pen. i just wrote you a note. i go and fetch him a pen, thinking how easy it is to get his number. grateful that he doesnt ask for mine. i hate not controlling when i can speak to him again.

he breaks off a piece of the napkin where i wrote my note.

he requests that i read it back at my table. i do as he says. i make my way back slowly. i open the note and read the first line. i fold the note and prepare to leave.

he is watching me as i gather the unread books i collected, my drink, and my belongings. i can see a smile on his face, but i dare not look at him directly. i take my time, but the anxiety of being observed weighs on me. so i rush and drop some things on the floor.

i say goodbye to him, wish him well, and shake his hand. when i get to the parking lot, i open the torn napkin to read his words.

maria,
i give you nothing but the highest of praise for your efforts. i think women with your confidence are truly to be treasured. give me a call any time and we will talk about????

rudy
(xxx)xxx-xxxx

i dont know the protocol for calling. how much time do you wait to seem cool, not too eager or desperate? then i think, fuck it...any time means right now.

i leave a message on his phone. i check my email, i grab a pear, i rearrange my pens. anything to distract me from looking at the clock and waiting. its late, he wont call tonite, this was just a fluke. did it really happen anyway? probably not, but its okay. it was fun, it was daring.

i am tired. i need to go to bed. late night last night, early morning this morning. work is done for 3 weeks, and i can let myself succumb to my fatigue. i will fall asleep tonite with thoughts of his eyes.

then, i hear it. i hear the distinct ring of my phone. and then i hear his voice.