two days

god, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

friday. there is a message on my voice mail. i wrongly assume it is azul, and i leave a message on his voice mail addressing the message left on mine. he sends off a text message saying that he had not called me and to take care. if it isnt him leaving me a message, could it have been the buddhist?

my friend and i head off to luminarias after work for appetizers and drinks before going off to the play. he is unusually quiet but flirtatious when he talks to me. he mentions something about how people should have the courage to do something if they want to do it. i do not know what he is talking about, so i ignore it.

he is braver now, bolder. i wrongly assume that he will finally have the balls to do make a move on me. we drive to the play, and he is giddy. he is giggly and talkative, and i wonder where it is coming from. we explore the amphitheatre, and he had an opportunity to make a move, but he doesnt.

the doors open, and we sit in such close quarters. i sometimes get claustrophobic in such small spaces, but i am okay for 2 1/2 hours.

during the play, there are moments when he could have and i could have, but neither of us didnt. this proves to be a rather wise choice, in hindsight. the play is over, and we go to hop.

i return to the scene of the crime because i miss the buddhist tremendously. my friend and i talk, and i am tired of the dance. we leave after a few hours, and we drive back to my car in silence. at the parking lot, i get out of the car, and i get into mine.

i call him on my way home to tell him that i wish we dont work together. he asks why, and i tell him it is because i think that if we dont work together, we would have a chance to consummate our friendship.

we talk for awhile, and when i get home, i think someone makes a statement that someone is supposed to call the other. i dont remember.

saturday. i wake up incredulous that i spend so much time with someone, and i do not get laid. the best thing to do? go to the gym.

i head off to meet dines for coffee before actually working out. at starfucks, nikolai finds me, makes small talk, and promises to come back after he orders.

dines takes a seat next to me. we talk about nikolai, and after a few moments he appears. he sits between me and dines, and we talk about nothing in particular. curiously, he touches my knees more than once and acts really friendly. huggy, touchy, feely.

a side note: i am not attracted at all to nikolai. dines is the one who is all gaga for him when they first meet. i think part of the reason she joins the gym is because he sells her the package. he asks me out in november the year before last, and i am hesitant. i tell dines then, but she does not believe me until he comes up to us, and asks for my number in front of her. thank goodness that in all the time nik and i have known each other, we have not gone out. we have just remained acquaintances.

he finally leaves, and dines and i talk about lines' husband the asshole. he is just a person no one likes. too bad hes part of their family. what an aberration.

we work out for only 30 minutes because i am so late for my nieces birthday celebration. i get home, and i decide to take a shower.

my phone rings as i am putting on lotion. restricted number, my phone warns. its probably my sister urging me to get the fuck over to her house.

hello? i ask.

hello.

my breath stops for a second. i hear the familiarity in his voice, but i cannot hope.

who is this?

its me.

who is me?

and then i smile. im glad it is him.