i left my heart

i have always loved frisco. the weather suits me, the energy of the city becomes my energy, and the people are just lovely. friendly, beautiful, creative. ben says that i would flourish there.

i love my cousins loft. we make a promise, she and i, to get together more often than we have. we live a 5 hour drive from each other, and shamefully we have seen each other 3 times in the past half a dozen years. this is a girl who i look at and think, damn, she is cool.

the three of us, my sister me and her, grow up in chicago and spend so much time together that i think we are sisters. when i leave chicago to go to la, i think we are going to keep in touch forever. but i am so bad at maintaining, and i have promised to make more of an effort in doing so.

i am beginning to love me. not in the vain sense of the word, but perhaps the better word is accept. i am beginning to accept me. and i happen to love the me i am accepting. but its a process. ive been in transformation since exbf left. and im wondering when the hell im going to get out of my coccoon and become a butterfly. or a swan.

i want to go to my cousins wedding with someone. im ready now to make a life and share my life with someone. if im blessed enough to meet him, i hope to meet him soon.