what if...?
it has been four weeks since ive been at work, and let me tell you, im finally getting bored. ive had enough of this, and im ready to stand in front of people again, and do my job. although im really so apathetic to the administrators, i love the people i work with and the people i work for. i pray that things will miraculously get better. miraculous because thats what it would take to be a good place to go again. what if bear gets transferred, and we get a better administrator, and i get more hours until june, and then in june, i transfer to a different job?
this city really drains me of my energy. but san francisco reboots my system, and i am instantly more creative, more streamlined in thinking, and more daring. i feel alive there. what if i get accepted to sfsu in their mft program, and matt and i move up there, and we live in a loft, and i work on my photography more?
i am lying on the couch thinking that i would like to get married...someday. but then i thnk that it would be nice if someday came sooner, like next month or next week or tonite even because this celibacy vow is dull now. holding hands with a man is something i miss tremendously. its such a simple act, but it communicates a lot. it means unity, protection, love, leading, following...a lot. what if i overcome this fear of commitment and intimacy and allow myself to be loved and be known and be discovered and be uncovered and be recovered from being alone?
what if...?
it has been four weeks since ive been at work, and let me tell you, im finally getting bored. ive had enough of this, and im ready to stand in front of people again, and do my job. although im really so apathetic to the administrators, i love the people i work with and the people i work for. i pray that things will miraculously get better. miraculous because thats what it would take to be a good place to go again. what if bear gets transferred, and we get a better administrator, and i get more hours until june, and then in june, i transfer to a different job?
this city really drains me of my energy. but san francisco reboots my system, and i am instantly more creative, more streamlined in thinking, and more daring. i feel alive there. what if i get accepted to sfsu in their mft program, and matt and i move up there, and we live in a loft, and i work on my photography more?
i am lying on the couch thinking that i would like to get married...someday. but then i thnk that it would be nice if someday came sooner, like next month or next week or tonite even because this celibacy vow is dull now. holding hands with a man is something i miss tremendously. its such a simple act, but it communicates a lot. it means unity, protection, love, leading, following...a lot. what if i overcome this fear of commitment and intimacy and allow myself to be loved and be known and be discovered and be uncovered and be recovered from being alone?
what if...?
posted by m/p @ 1:05 PM
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