13 years ago

tomorrow is a certain boys birthday, and i am so wildly in love with him. he is truly a gift; one i dont know i deserve, but one i am certainly thankful for.

this boy is wonderful, despite the changes he is undergoing. i still remember that day, 13 years ago, when i meet him for the first time, when i hold him in my arms, when he sleeps next to me.

in the early days of our relationship, when he sleeps for long stretches of time, i develop a fear that he may not be breathing, so i wake him. he stirs, looks at me, and returns to his dreams.

its been me and him only, except for the 5 years of commotion that we spend with the irish bloke. i prefer it that way, although in all honesty, there are times i know it would be easier if i have help. but i wont settle.

hard to believe its been 13 years since ive met him, since he has been in my life. i love it really, being chosen to undertake this responsibility. i love it, and i honor it.

im not very good at it, looking at it traditionally. im not very conventional, and it sometimes bothers me. i want to be more for him, more for myself, but...im limited.

i hate that about myself really. i hate that i cannot make myself be anything other than who i am, and sometimes it is not enough. sometimes its too much. sometimes i feel like goldilocks.

but i love the boy. and i hope that the love will carry him through his trials and tribulations. i hope that i am a good influence to him. i hope he learns only the best from me.

this boy is my anchor. he saves me from myself. he grounds me. he humbles me. he raises me up. he inspires me. he motivates me. he loves me. he says so himself.