I'm done...
I'm going to try to get a better job. I've bought my "lottery tickets", and I've put it out there, so I think this is going to be a good thing. I'm not going to think about it anymore. It just makes me look at people as pathetic asswipes who deserve nothing but the damnation waiting for them. I really don't wish this for them, but it's kind of a guilty pleasure to think about them on skewers. It's sad at what little price people sell their souls. So, I'm done.
Saw Niva today. God, his eyes are so beautiful, and when he smiles, it is just brilliance. Anyway, he sprinted over to me while I was at my favorite machine, and he said, I just got back my pictures from the Huntington. I said, did I inspire you to take them? He said, yes. Whether or not this is true, that I inspired him makes me feel good. It makes me feel happy and humbled. After, he called me over to talk about it. He said he would send me some pics, but as of yet, I haven't received any. But I don't worry. I know he'll share. I'm glad HP and I had to leave for some dinner; otherwise, we would have been there for more than an hour talking. It's so easy to talk to him. There's mischief in the air...intermittently on either of our parts. I don't want to cause a stir, but I do not know how much longer I can be good around him. I know if he made any move, I wouldn't stop it. My faculties would not allow it.
I've decided that I am done with Roben and Nock. It was fun, but the whole interweb thing is just plain tiresome. I am bored. I'm sorry, Roben. And Nock...well, I have my suspicions about him. Even as I write this, I feel guilty for not trusting him, but the truth is that I don't. I'm done.
Here's my only wish: if there was a chance to consummate either of these relationships, I would do it. I feel it's an entitlement issue. I've always wanted Roben, but it's hard to communicate sporadically. And Nock. It started out as a game, out of boredom, but it is the bottom of the ninth and still no score. It's too late to go into extra innings, so I'll call it. I'm done. But still, I hold out a tiny hope of one kiss, one night, one pleased moan after another. And if nothing, well...it was a chance. This is no "lottery ticket" I'd like to buy, though.
I'm going to try to get a better job. I've bought my "lottery tickets", and I've put it out there, so I think this is going to be a good thing. I'm not going to think about it anymore. It just makes me look at people as pathetic asswipes who deserve nothing but the damnation waiting for them. I really don't wish this for them, but it's kind of a guilty pleasure to think about them on skewers. It's sad at what little price people sell their souls. So, I'm done.
Saw Niva today. God, his eyes are so beautiful, and when he smiles, it is just brilliance. Anyway, he sprinted over to me while I was at my favorite machine, and he said, I just got back my pictures from the Huntington. I said, did I inspire you to take them? He said, yes. Whether or not this is true, that I inspired him makes me feel good. It makes me feel happy and humbled. After, he called me over to talk about it. He said he would send me some pics, but as of yet, I haven't received any. But I don't worry. I know he'll share. I'm glad HP and I had to leave for some dinner; otherwise, we would have been there for more than an hour talking. It's so easy to talk to him. There's mischief in the air...intermittently on either of our parts. I don't want to cause a stir, but I do not know how much longer I can be good around him. I know if he made any move, I wouldn't stop it. My faculties would not allow it.
I've decided that I am done with Roben and Nock. It was fun, but the whole interweb thing is just plain tiresome. I am bored. I'm sorry, Roben. And Nock...well, I have my suspicions about him. Even as I write this, I feel guilty for not trusting him, but the truth is that I don't. I'm done.
Here's my only wish: if there was a chance to consummate either of these relationships, I would do it. I feel it's an entitlement issue. I've always wanted Roben, but it's hard to communicate sporadically. And Nock. It started out as a game, out of boredom, but it is the bottom of the ninth and still no score. It's too late to go into extra innings, so I'll call it. I'm done. But still, I hold out a tiny hope of one kiss, one night, one pleased moan after another. And if nothing, well...it was a chance. This is no "lottery ticket" I'd like to buy, though.
posted by m/p @ 11:52 PM
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